A Fate to Choose From
by It's Because I'm EMO
Summary: Olivia quits the unit to move to a beautiful house in a forest. But is this what she truly wanted? Will she ever return to the 16? Mean while the others from the 16 have trouble dealing with her absense, they wonder will things ever be the same?
1. Decisions

A FATE TO CHOOSE FROM

Disclaimer: Y'all know the drill I don't own Law and Order SVU or it's characters they belong to Dick Wolf and I am borrowing them for known profit purposes.

We all wonder why were here, we've lasted far longer than most in this unit. It's strange the way the world is, the sick things we see everyday how could the world have fallen so far?

We seem to be at the bottom of the darkness here at the 1-6 we see the most horrible things we listen to the saddest stories. How do we do it, how do we survive? Still we chose the life we have, each of us had our own reasons, some reasons darker than others for taking this job.

Yet despite the horrors we see, the sleepless nights and the lonely days we continue to do our jobs without complaint. Each day is the same, another day another victim another rapist to track down. It never seems to get better, it probably never will.

I lie uselessly on my bad unable to sleep or perhaps I'm just afraid to, afraid to dream and relive the day's events. I'm sore from running around all day, chasing perps and trying to save people. But we can never seem to save them; the victims, once they're victims that's all they'll ever be and we can't save them from themselves, from their own sorrows and nightmares.

I roll over a few times trying to get in a more comfortable position but every time I turn I hurt one of my old bruises. But I don't mind the pain, it's the stones, the bad memories that way heavily on my heart that bring me pain.

The face of a seven-year-old victim floats in and out of my head then strangely I feel myself drifting and then I'm asleep. I dream of peaceful fields and forests. Calm, peaceful, I see myself living in the forest, peaceful happy, I no longer have bags under my eyes from sleepless nights, I live in a care free world.

Suddenly I awoke again to the sound of my alarm clock, the peacefulness of my dream lingers for a moment before vanishing completely. Now I felt sick and I didn't want to see another day. All I wanted was to live in that forest though I knew I was being greedy. My life is better than many as it is. But maybe I thought as I lay in my bed listening to the sounds of the street outside I could leave live out that life in the forest for a while until I actually wanted to return. Maybe I wouldn't want to return but I was sick of the life I had as detective Olivia Benson for the first time I didn't care about the victims only myself and I knew that when I went to work that day I would quit.

Author's note: So what do you think? If it's that bad I wont write another chapter, however if you like it tell me and I'll continue. Constructive criticism is welcome so don't be shy! Hehehe.


	2. The Day That Jane Was Born

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Disclaimer: Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf, I'm just borrowing them for non-profit entertainment purposes.

It's so strange how one moment you can think that you're following your destiny and then the next you realize that you couldn't be more wrong. That's the thing about moments they change you, and your perspective on life itself.

I was driving; I listened to the sound of the wind making the trees sway and the steady beat of the rain has it was wiped on to my car. I couldn't help but wonder if the storm was a bad omen well it wasn't exactly safe weather to be driving in.

Despite the fact that nature was working against me willing me to stay in New York I left. I left everyone I knew and cared about behind, I gave them no address, I didn't tell them where I was going and I didn't even say good-bye. The small voice inside of me told me that I was a horrible person for doing so. Not only was I turning my back on the victims and all the people that needed me but I was also turning my back on my friends, the people I loved.However the bigger part of me quickly killed the small part of me.

But I thought as I struggled to see through the rain there was no use worrying about that know after all I was hours away from them, they were just a thing of the past, a fading memory at the back of my mind.The message of thatsmall voice reminded me that they were the ones I cared about, the ones that I was supposed to love but another part of me spoke softly at the back of my mind,_ How could someone with your blood ever love?_

Somepart of me was still in shock, by this time Elliot and I would be on our coffee brake laughing about something or discussing the latest case. I wondered if he knew that I had left yet, had Cragen told everyone I was sick expecting me to return the next day? The last words I heard Cragen say still echoed in my head, _you'll always have job to come back to…_I knew that as long as I lived a small part of me would always want to return, just walk in one day with a cup of coffee in my hands as I did every morning.

I forced myself to think about driving, I tried desperately to push all memories of who I was out of my head. I decided from that point forward that I'd start again, no more Olivia Benson, say hello to Jane. Jane was a good name I decided one that I could disappear under. _Forget about who you were focus on who you are now. No use pulling out more bad memories **Jane**. Olivia is dead but today Jane is born in her place, and the dead never come back to life they never will walk again with the living..._

The rain beat heavily against my window, it sounded like crashing waves, which it was getting close to. The highway was empty around me no cars dared drive in this weather well none except the one I drove. The lights from the streetlamps appeared to be nothing but a bunch of blurry yellow dots and the road itself was turning into something resembling a lake or river. I contemplated stopping to stay the night at a hotel but I couldn't find any and besides I was getting close to my destination I realized. The highway was thinning out as many smaller roads stretch in all directions.

A forest seemed to form around me, the one I had dreamed about. I approached a perfect innocent little town with perfectunique little houses and gardensand smiled to myself. This I thought is where I belong.

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When she walked into the precinct early that morning I knew something had changed in her. She seemed cold and icy has she said her hellos to the people she passed by. It never surprised me when she was the first to arrive but usually she didn't come that early.

I was busy finishing up last night's paper work at my desk; I hadn't slept in days and was struggling to stay awake. I slowly raised my head as she walked into my office without knocking. I smiled, "Hey what brings you here so early?"

She didn't smile back instead she simply looked at me for what seemed like minutes before responding, "I quit." She said shortly pushing her badge across the my desk towards me.

I looked down at her badge dumbfounded, "Why? Why would you through this all away c'mon Olivia I know the last case was hard but is it really worth it?" I didn't believe, she has to be joking, i thought

She replied coldly, "Oh what this place? You know I love to see people die in front of me and listen to stories about children being molested and women being rapped but I think it's time for a change." She stopped a smiled before continuing, "I don't mind the bad working conditions and low pay but well I just want a bit more out of life."

I stared up at her menacing figure that loomed over my desk; I could see her inner most demons casting shadows in her eyes. Some how since yesterday her whole view on life had changed, _she_ had changed. She wasn't someone you would affectionately call "Liv" anymore now she was just miss Benson, another name out of millions, another person to say hi to on the street. I tried playing the guilt card, "Liv you can't quit, and the victims need you they rely on you! You've saved people and you've made the world a better place for the victims and everyone effected.Who will they turn to if you leave?"

For a second I thought I had won, "You forget the three other detectives in this unit and of course my replacement. Honestly Don, how could you forget about Elliot? The victims love him, he always brings them justice by 'accidentally' punching the perps in their heads."

I was shocked I had never heard her speak of Elliot with hatred as she did now. He was her partner she cared about him, knew him. At least I thought so but then I reasoned with myself I had thought I knew her too, "Who are you?" I asked softly.

She didn't answer but just turned and left my office without another word, "You'll always have a job to come back to." I called after her.She'll come back, she has to after all she tried toquit before,I thought, but some small part of me knew she wasn'tthe same person that shewas back then, she wasn't even thesame person as the day before. I felt like i had failed somehow, the girl who was like my daughter justquit, her eyes spoke more than her mouth telling me she never wanted to see me again. I failed to change her mind and evenI wasn't whoI thoughtI was.I slumped into my chair confused about what had just happened, did I imagine it? Olivia quit never, no way not in a million years…but her badge sparkled in the light, the last reminder that she had ever been a cop at the 1-6.

Author's note: Okay so um tell me what you think, if you have any constructive criticism please do tell me lol I want get mad if fact I'll be quite pleased! So yeah review and also I just wanna say thanks to everyone who reviewed on the last chapter.


	3. Memory

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Disclaimer: Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf, I'm just borrowing them for non-profit entertainment purposes.

Author's note: Okay I randomly decided to continue with this story, actually I finally figured out how to check how many hits your story gets and this one had quite a few so I decided it was worth continuing. Okay so what with the whole fault thing technically Olivia's quit before…um ignore that bit, yes just pretend she hasn't heeheehee. Erm anyways though I decided to write this chapter I wont write anymore unless I get some actual reviews… anyways read, review, enjoy.

Jane, yes that was a name you could dissapear under. Even today I don't know why I suddenly decided to quit, why then and not earlier? I wish I knew, but it's weird isn't it, when you don't quite understand your own actions. I feel horrible about leaving so many people behind in New York City, my real home, but I did what I felt was right, even if others don't see it that way.

My colleagues my friends, they'll live, Elliot will get a new partner, a new friend and as for myself a new life. Munch would continue being a complete nut, though I admit a loveable nut, and Fin well, the same old street-smart cop he's always been as for Casey, she was my best friend, she wont understand any more than Elliot. The captain would in time forget about me, as would Huang and Melinda. Life goes on with or with me in it. That's the thing, as people we cant imagine that life will go on without us after we die, how could it just move on after loosing us? But it does anyways, it always has.

I'll disappear; I'll become a memory at the back of their heads, slowly fading away out of existence. I'm sorry I left them without saying goodbye but that would mean awkward explanations and me facing their faces, seeing their reactions.

I awoke this morning, I scarcely knew where I was, and then I remembered, I'd rented this house of an old couple a week ago. I'd stayed in a small inn for a few days well the legal transactions were being made and now here I was. My new home was small but cute, it was really more of a cottage than a house, it was simple, with roes of flowers in front and a huge back yard with a swinging couch and an old bird bath. The town I lived in consisted of a meager 200 people. _Good god,_ I thought, _I live in the middle of nowhere._

I was happy though and for the first time in years I'd got a good night's sleep, I no longer saw the faces of victims, no longer heard their strangled cries and their eyes never woke me up at night. I was…free.


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